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Entry tags:
My World Changes
Heart's Desire: Think about something you once wanted so badly but never acquired. Write about how you think your life would’ve been different if you had received what your heart desired.
Normalcy. Okay so that is a stretch because really what is normal. I know what isn't normal. Normal isn't cleaning odd green goo off your fifty dollar blouse. Normal isn't having to worry that telling someone the truth will cause them to leave you. Okay, sometimes that goes for other people, but I know that all I have ever wanted is just to be who I am and not worry about the rest of it.
It could be really simple I guess. Lie to anyone that gets close enough to me that I want them to know the truth so that they stay around, or tell them the truth and wait for it to be too much for them to handle and they leave. Either way I am pretty sure it isn't meant to happen, at least not right now.
I had something though. Once. I had Richard. I could be open and honest and not worry about who I was. However there was a big catch to my free ride. The things that mattered the most to me. The things that made me who I was? He couldn't be a part of. I didn't want to keep having to be careful around him. It was almost like even though it was easier being so free with him, at the same time it was so complicated. Probably even more complicated than just lying to all the others.
Maybe if I had gotten that one guy. That one guy that accepts me for who I am, who respects and admires my own little odd quirks, 'cause I know for sure I have those. That one guy that makes the time I spend with him seem like nothing else could go wrong? I might find something else within me that I didn't even know was there.
I see it. In Phoebe when she finally found love again with Drake. It was this unbridled passion, and alertness that made her light up. In Piper looking into the eyes of Leo when he had finally found his way back to her. It was what made them that much stronger.
I keep thinking that if I had that other half of me. That part that could make me whole that I could just start my life, instead of waiting for something to happen.
I have waited for something to happen to me for most my life, and each time something happens it changes everything. I can't wait around for the next time my whole world changes. I have to just keep living today like my world already has changed.
Because I know it always does.
Normalcy. Okay so that is a stretch because really what is normal. I know what isn't normal. Normal isn't cleaning odd green goo off your fifty dollar blouse. Normal isn't having to worry that telling someone the truth will cause them to leave you. Okay, sometimes that goes for other people, but I know that all I have ever wanted is just to be who I am and not worry about the rest of it.
It could be really simple I guess. Lie to anyone that gets close enough to me that I want them to know the truth so that they stay around, or tell them the truth and wait for it to be too much for them to handle and they leave. Either way I am pretty sure it isn't meant to happen, at least not right now.
I had something though. Once. I had Richard. I could be open and honest and not worry about who I was. However there was a big catch to my free ride. The things that mattered the most to me. The things that made me who I was? He couldn't be a part of. I didn't want to keep having to be careful around him. It was almost like even though it was easier being so free with him, at the same time it was so complicated. Probably even more complicated than just lying to all the others.
Maybe if I had gotten that one guy. That one guy that accepts me for who I am, who respects and admires my own little odd quirks, 'cause I know for sure I have those. That one guy that makes the time I spend with him seem like nothing else could go wrong? I might find something else within me that I didn't even know was there.
I see it. In Phoebe when she finally found love again with Drake. It was this unbridled passion, and alertness that made her light up. In Piper looking into the eyes of Leo when he had finally found his way back to her. It was what made them that much stronger.
I keep thinking that if I had that other half of me. That part that could make me whole that I could just start my life, instead of waiting for something to happen.
I have waited for something to happen to me for most my life, and each time something happens it changes everything. I can't wait around for the next time my whole world changes. I have to just keep living today like my world already has changed.
Because I know it always does.